The Mongrel Druid and the Clown Demon

action adventure horror

This is the start of a new series on the Substact that I have been thinking up for months. This is also inspired by a prompt post by Ironage.media on October 18, 2023

I was sitting in this punk rock themed distillery in New Jersey. It was near Halloween and around closing time when a couple of guys were discussing the new Clown Maniacs movie loud enough that the whole bar could hear.  One of the patrons, a regular named Mitch with freckles and black hair and an average build, explained to his buddy Tom, a man who let’s just say could stand to lose a few pounds but at one point protected a quarterback back in the day.  Mitch was said “How the clowns looked so real that they have cast the real Psychopathic clowns for those roles. I mean those guys were creepy as hell.”

          Tom responded in a jovial tone, “Yea but the best part was when the Norwegian guy broke the JoBo stick and then the clown beats him down and removes his head and spine and turns him into a new JoBo stick.”

          The two start laughing, but the bartender usually an unflappable guy, with big hazel Irish eyes and brown hair built like a former athlete, goes over to his things in the corner and pulls out a pill bottle and takes one. He then begins to breathe calming breaths after a minute and said in a tone wishing it wasn’t true “Hey Mitch was the clowns bald with white paint all over their head and blacked eyes?”

          “Yea Druid, great you saw the movie. What did you think?” said Mitch in a comical tone  

          “No, I hate scary movies, they bring up memories like this one is doing. Was the JoBo stick about this (making the indication of about a foot in length (.30 meters)) a bright red stick similar to a police baton.” The Druid explains in a wishing it wasn’t so manner.

          Tom lost all joviality “When did you see these guys?”

          “You guys know I don’t like talking about my past.” The Druid said.

          “Look if it has anything to do with that sign out front that says “No Gods, Demigods, Heros or any other supernatural creature allowed on these premises.  Hospitality is not extended and will be met with proper means.”  I want to know about it. So spill what happened man. How do you know these things?” Mitch pleads to the Druid. 

The Druid looked around the bar realized its only a few regulars and his staff, lets out a breath and says to himself “I guess there is no harm in a little ghost story”.  Then explained to the bar “Alright since everyone has been so good tonight, and my therapist tells me I should talk about my trauma. We’re gonna discuss the time I ran into the cult of killer clowns. Who needs a refill before last call?” The Druid starts making drinks and he starts his story:

          So this back in 2012 when I was still a hot shot new Druid. My team and I had just been recalled from Afghanistan where I was on a personal mission to hunt the dragons that killed my father. We had managed to kill two of the beasts, so command was pretty, happy with us. We figured we would be brought back to the states for some R&R and go back to fighting dragons cause that’s what we were good at. But what we got called in for was scary.  I remember the briefing like it was yesterday. We had with us Alex our strategist and Ragnar our berserker. Those were great guys but that day was different, you could feel it in the air. We had been called into a HQ in the middle of a corn field in Iowa. Which always freaked me out I grew up on a farm, but we had hills where I grew up all that flat land creeps me out no where to hide. Anyway, the compound was run by this blank named Rogers, I think it was.

Tom interrupts “What’s a blank?”

          “Oh right a blank is used pretty heavily in the supernatural community to deal with the children’s of gods to chronicle their lives and keep tabs on them. They are also unaffected by the talents of most supernatural beings, hence leading to their names of Blanks. As in blank slant you can’t harm them. Useful friends too. Any way back to the story”.

          We were in this conference room that looked like something out of the Office. You wouldn’t know this place was a headquarters, besides the soundproof walls. The cover was they were an advertising firm serving the area with bogus adverts, I think, spread throughout town to maintain the cover. But anyway, we are in this office conference room thinking, great we are going to spend R&R in Iowa. Alexander looked so clean cut with his Grecian brunette looks he looked like he was about to model somewhere in the Mediterranean. Ragnar looked the opposite, the blonde Swede was looking more like the wolfman then a man. He was the wolfman except the wolfman had a few to many steroid shots that’s how built Ragnar was, but he came by it all naturally due to his father. As for me the war had disciplined me somewhat from my rowdy days of punk but I started picking up tattoos for the dragons we killed I was healing up from one. (Pulling up his left arm with 5 tattoos on it pointing to the second one from the top.)  

          Rogers came in with this young short Asian woman dressed in a business suit. The woman was a real beauty perfectly fit. I’ll never forget the day she walked into my life. Rogers announces “Gentlemen welcome to Iowa hope the flight was uneventful…”

          Ragnar interrupted in a joyous voice “Yes the flight was fine now bring on the mead and the blonde Iowa women I have heard so much about.” As Ragnar jokes, the woman catches my attention her aura is weird and her smell is that of sulfur. I raise an eyebrow to Alex and he nods. 

          Rodgers responds “You gentleman weren’t brought out here for R&R like you think. This is a mission of utmost urgency from the Pontifex Maximus himself.” At news of this, Ragnar’s face changes immediately from joyous to somber. Rogers continues “In the area there have been a rash of killings all fitting a certain criteria. Miss Keahi will fill you in on the details. Miss Keahi”

          The woman responds in a business tone. “Yes at first the killing looked like a gruesome serial killer was on the loose using multiple weapons from the damage to the bodies and killing in multiple ways with no real pattern. However, upon further analysis, we found that these were done by multiple people with the same motif. Looking at the psychology of the killing. The rage that is exhibited is striking. This person has a hatred of the world and everything all around it and then there are the videos. Recently there has been a rash of clown citing in the area uploaded to US-tude. Here is the video with the best resolution.” Alex begins working on his phone. An image of a bald clown with blackened eyes and creepy teeth is seen in an abandoned building looking into a mirror. At first, he appears sad looking in the mirror not noticing the camera then he begins smiling beckoning the camera person into the cabin. The camera person freaks out at this and runs. “We think this is either a viral outbreak of some kind or a paranormal event in nature; we are beginning to rule out any strange cult activity.”

          “People dress in costumes and do strange things all the time. Have you ever been to an anime convention?” The Druid interrupts.

“I’m not sure if you know the hours of work that went into this analysis that is an unlikely scenario the cult theory does not account for the exactness of the murders. You must have a single source.”

          Rodgers interrupts “You two can talk about this later in the field. I’m assigning Miss Keahi to your taskforce for the time being along with your usual squad of Myrmidons.”

          The Druid responds annoyed, “Great and how much experience in the field do you have?”

          Miss Keahi responds seriously “None, but I have passed all the qualified training and a little bit of the advance.”

          The Druid answers, puting his right hand to his face where you can see the swirling natural ink knots tattoos on his right arm “I got a twenty on an hour for the Death pool for the rookie.”

Jovially responds “Ha-ha, I will take your bet my friend, for I say the spirits are with this one and she will live for 8 years in body. Alex my friend are you getting in on this?”

          “No, I think I have a possible location of these clowns from the location data of the videos. There is a series of abandoned cabins that this cabin was a part of. They seem to be at the center of all the activities. We should start there.”

          Rogers responding to all this “I find death-pools distasteful but with our high casualty rate I understand why we have them. Grab your gear and you’ll head out within an hour and half. Good hunting” Rogers leaves the room as an awkward silence embraces the office.

          Then Ragnar bursts out “Well if the rest of the boys won’t introduce themselves to the pretty woman I will. Ragnar Odinson at your service Madam. Resident berserker and kicker in of skulls. The clean cut one is Alexandar Demos strategist and all-around tactical genius.” Alex waves at the mention of his name “Then there is our tattooed friend over there and means of transportation the Mongrel Druid himself Maks Kennedy.”

          “And what is your name Miss Keahi?” Maks asked.

          “Molly is the name. So where are these abandoned cabins?” Molly retorts

          “The location data suggests that they are near Spirit Lake so we will need to look near there and there’s only one set of abandoned buildings near that location. I’ll order my Myrmidons to get three of the SUV’s fitted out with standard kit for heavy battle.” Alex informs “Ragnar, why don’t you and Molly go ahead get her fitted out and introduce her to the Myrmidons.”

          “Sounds good boss” Ragnar replies with a grin. “Come on Molly lets go meet some ant people.”

          After the two have cleared the room and are well out of hearing range and Alex issues his orders. Alex turns to Maks and says “Alright what did you smell and see?”

          Maks responds “Oh nothing and everything the aura around Molly was fuzzy so she is not an awaken Areteos (children of supernatural beings like gods). She also smelled of sulfur.”

          “So demon” Alex replied

          “If she was a demon it would be a black aura even unawaken. I don’t know what else would give off sulfur smell though so we should be cautious. But as you know unawaken children of gods are dangerous and only a few pantheons are known to the company.”

          “And the company decided to give this one a gun and send her in the field” Alex says in an angry tone.

          “You know they think of us as cannon fodder. We just keep surviving longer than anyone else.”

          “Yea our squad motto “Somehow we survived.” What’s your feeling on this one?” Alex asked

          “Excuse my expression but “My Auntie Morgan is going to take someone this battle” my bet is the girl. It’s a feeling.” Maks responds with a morbid tone.

          “Casts the wands. Your feelings maybe clouding your judgement and you will need the wands insights maybe they will tell you something new.”

          “Unlikely because I’m pretty firm on this and it will cloud my interpretation, but I will cast all the same and see what they say.”

          “Alright let’s gear up” Alex says with finality.

          Gearing up was simple in the car garage a few silver rounds, a few phosphorus rounds all for our modified M-4’s. I hadn’t quite picked up my love for shotguns yet.  Although Ragnar gave the M4 to Molly and said “Alright little lady do you think you can handle this?”

          Molly pulling back the bolt of the gun and inspecting the clip says “Nice, Nato standard mixed with a phosphorous compound should add a little extra kick. And for your information big boy I have been shooting guns since I was 6 years old with certification as marksman first class.”

          “You hear that Druid, your girl that you gave an hour is a better shot than you. Looks like I’m going to win twenty bucks. My mead is on the Druid tonight.” Ragnar boasts. Ragnar was excepting a response from me but I was busy cast the wands basically sticks that when thrown tell you what will happen in the future. It’s much cleaner then the old way of looking through animal parts. But the signs were confusing they said a great warrior would die in this battle at the time. I was convinced it was Molly little did I know it would be Ragnar.

          There is an unsettled silence that people try to break up with music before a fight my phone decide the Clash would be perfect for this occasion. Molly confused by the phone “So your phone randomly plays music Druid without any input from you.”

          “Yea it was a gift from the fairies but during combat it also will play music randomly so when we are trying to be stealthy I make sure to misplace it.”

          Alex pipes up “Don’t forget major meetings he makes sure to misplace it during those too, otherwise we might have “Fuck Authority” (by Pennywise) play with some general and trust me. He wasn’t happy.”  

          “But your phone always comes back to you.” Molly said in a confused.

          “Yup fairy magic the more you think about it the less it makes sense. Looks like its going to be nightfall by the time we get there” Maks said.

          “That’s what I’m counting on, so we can determine these things maximum numbers and wipe them out.” Alex replied “Don’t worry we got night vision and you got your tricks.”

          “So a recon in force basically is your plan. Wouldn’t a snatch and grab be more ideal to get intel on these things.” Maks explained.

          “If we didn’t have to deal with this quickly. Yes, that would be the play but we will have to gather intel through this raid as we go. Not ideal but quick an effective if successful.” Alex says in a commanding voice.

          “Sounds like a gamble.” Molly chimes in.

          “It is. We just have to hope that these things are somewhat suspectable to magic from the Druid, conventional rounds or the specialty rounds we brought with us or we are in it deep.” Alex responds.

          We arrived just after sundown at the cabins, it was eerie silent. The Myrmidon human hybrid ant-people fitted out in the most modern military tech form a perimeter while we begin our search.

          Alex brings up a pad “Infrared shows nothing except us but that doesn’t mean anything these things could have the body heat of the surrounding. Maks is there anything magical.”

          Maks began to murmur two phrases “Pod Golwg” as my tattoos on my right arm shine and my eyes glow the enchantion for seeing magically seeing and a few other things I found in the supernatural spectrum. And the I cast “Datgelu”. To try and mentally reveal the hidden world to me.

          Now the language does not matter for magic, it’s the intent behind it. I use Welsh because It’s obscure and your unlikely to need it in common speech. But with magic to cast you need a language and to interact with the world spirits you need a language to create a headspace for your mind to live in. Simple but it can get complicated. Druids must pick up languages like kids’ pickup video games. But it is the will behind words that make things possible but more on that later.

          Tom asks “Can anyone use magic?”

          “What I was taught and What had been passed down for generations was that magic was only for a few select families. From a few select lineage. But since Chicago I have no clue with all these Heros and Titans walking around like they own the place. I do my best to take care of my bar.”  

          Anyway the spells showed a few things were clustered in the back toward the woods a fog had descended and It looked like rain was coming in.

          Alex ordering a three-man team of Myrmidon to the area to investigate The leader of the team reports “ That the clowns are just standing around about a dozen clowns not talking but just standing looking into the fog waiting.”

          Alex orders us to the cabins to fortify and create a kill zone. “Bravo team let them know you’re here and lure them into the kill zone.”  Myrmidon open fire at this command with conventional.

          The clowns respond in unison “He--ee ha ha, that tickles now you must become one of us.”

           Myrmidon respond “Conventional rounds ineffective switching to silver and pulling back” shortly after that more rounds fire “grenade out is heard over the com silver is ineffective but the grenade slowed them down some. Falling back to kill zone”.

          Alex orders “Everyone switch to Dragon’s breath rounds maybe the heat will stop them. Druid lose your ammo and sling fire.”

          Bravo team just outside the kill zone as the clowns are chasing them with their red sticks out. One of the members of the team trip and fall as the others make it to the cabins. But the clowns get to the fallen Myrmidon before he can get up.

          The clowns start beating his limbs to keep him down and they shout, “One of us” and start pounding him in the head with the sticks. The clowns move away from the Myrmidon his clothes change from a military uniform to a shabby clown outfit his body begins to morph, and his skin turns white and his eyes turn black. He finally gets up and throws off his helmet revealing the bald head of the clown.

          “I’m am now one of you come brothers join us Myrmidon you can be great clowns.” Everyone looks at each other in that same, what the fuck face and gets ready to fire.

          Molly remarks “I suppose it is a bad time to bring up my fear of clowns.”

          Maks responds “Use it on them. Time to face your fear.”

           The clowns approach the kill zone and all hell breaks out grenades and fire raining down on the clowns but they only manage to kill two. The task force quickly runs out of the few phosphorus rounds they brought and then the clowns charge. “Fall back to the trucks” Alex ordered.

          But Ragnar said “I will buy you time” Took out his axes and charges the ranks of the clown.

          Our last sight of Ragnar as he fought valiantly against the enemy was of his head and spin being removed to make a new stick. All we could heard was “Now look at my new Bobo stick.”

          I kept sending streaks of flame to no avail at the enemy and I was getting tired as we approached the trucks. As two more clowns approached from the opposite direction. At this sight Molly begins to break down.  “I’m not going to be turn into a fucking clown as her eyes begin to glow.” The earth shakes and the grown broke open as lava begins to spew out.

          I knowing what’s coming speak to the earth in Maltese my language for dealing with the earth elemental. Explaining to create a channel for the lava that surrounds us and leads to the lake. The lava begins to encompass the clowns and kills them by disintegrating them. As the earth begins to respond and create my channel. I responded to the earth with gratitude and asked it if it required any boons of me but that is a story for later. I used the last of my will to make it rain. We were waiting about a day for the lava to calm down to be air lifted out. Molly turned out to be a daughter of Pele not a demon like I told Alex. And so that is how We dealt with killer clowns by one goddess of the volcano.

          Mitch replied, “Yea I remember that freak volcano it was weird.”

          Maks responds “Yea the world was a weird place before Chicago but after that the world changed for the worse. Alright everyone, enough stories. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here. Have a good night.” Maks along with the rest of the staff begin breaking down the bar. After the staff is gone for the night. Maks goes to the phone and dials a number.

           “Retired agent number D9982 request object trace on object “BO 23402”.”

          The voice on the line responds “Using chip trace to track item. Item not found could be something wrong with the chip.”

“Just tell the team that tracks this down that fire is its weakness.” And hangs up the phone.

          “I’m retired now I’ve seen too much death.” He tells himself. And activates the security system on the bar and locks up.  

The End